This comes from the PubLib listserv. Ah, library humour. ;)
Let reference librarians conduct their business in the same manner as Dr.House of the eponymous TV series -- i.e., as long as we give ultimately brilliant service, we should be allowed to insult the patrons.
Patron: "This is a dumb question . . . "
House the Librarian: "I'm sure it is, probably dumber than a lot ofthem I get. But go ahead anyway."
Patron: "I'm looking for the book by this dude, Les Miserables."
House: "Here is 50 cents. I want you to go outside to the pay phone, call your mother, and tell her there is very little chance of your attending college."
Patron: "I have the title but not the author. I guess you can't help me."
House: "No, no, I don't suppose so. It's one of those book things, isn't it? And I'm just the librarian."
Patron: "I need something on doing psychic readings on cats."
House: "Have you been this way ever since you crashed at Roswell?"
Patron: "What a wonderful job! Paid to just sit and read!"
House: "Oh indeed. If you'll excuse me now, it's my turn in the staff jacuzzi."
Patron: "Can I check out these books marked REFERENCE?"
House: "Ordinarily not. But if you're not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, we make an exception."
Get enough Houses on your staff, and you'll never have to worry about the impression of encouraging friendship.
:D Good to know that I am not the only one out there thinking this kind of stuff!